Tag Archives: break up

Forgive My Weakness

Forgive my weakness
I let you go
I saw you struggling
And did not know
How much you needed
The time and space
To get used to
My warm embrace

Forgive my weakness
I can’t let go
My heart is struggling
And needs to know
If you ever needed
My time and space
If you got used to
Love’s warm embrace

Forgive my weakness
I need to go
Now I am struggling
Don’t want to know
How much he needed
Your time and space
How you grew used to
His warm embrace


In Love and War

It’s not the things you did
It’s the things that you didn’t
Could I blame it all on love…
Or the growing lack-there-of?

When your memory inundates
I start to cry out of fear
When the love turns to hate…
I am out of here!

Understand it’s best this way,
Perhaps you find it unfair
You must go yours and I my way…
In love and war all is fair.

Our story’s come to an end,
But the plot is incomplete
Or is my pride just too strong
To admit defeat?

It’s best we never speak
or exchange glances…
I gave you more than I should’ve
Even gave you second chances.

Understand it’s best this way,
Perhaps you find it unfair
You must go yours and I my way…
In love and war all is fair.

In love and war all is fair.
In love and war all is fair.
In love and war all is fair.
In love and war all is fair.

When the love turns to hate…
I am out of here!


Putting Up With You

(Amor, Amor, Amor, Amor)

Baby…
te vas a repentir
de aver perdido alguien,
de aver perdido alguien,
a alguien como yo.
A alguien como yo.
A alguien como yo.
A alguien como yo…
Ah ha!

Baby you’re gonna regret
loosing somebody like me.
Been through so much together
now you say you’re leaving me.

And now…
Oh…

Put me down, messed around.
What more can you do
’till you’ve defaced you?
And you think that I would think
of putting up with you?

Oh…

Tired, tired of putting up with you.
Tired, tired of putting up with you.

Baby, baby
te vas a repentir
de aver perdido
a alguien como yo!

Baby, baby
te vas a repentir
de aver perdido
a alguien como yo!

Oh, when you love someone
it’s so hard to let go.
But it’s something we must
find the strength to do,
the strength to let go.

Oh…

Play your game without shame
on someone else like you.
I’m tired of it and you!
Don’t dare think that I sink
in thoughts of loosing you
and putting up with you.

Oh…

Tired, tired of putting up with you.
Tired, tired of putting up with you.

Baby, baby
te vas a repentir
de aver perdido
a alguien como yo!

Baby, baby
te vas a repentir
de aver perdido
a alguien como yo!

(Amor)

Still, I shed tears.
Dry my tears
from putting up with you.

Oh…

I curse you.
I damn you.
But it’s only cause I still love you.

Oh…

Tired, tired of putting up with you.
Tired, tired of putting up with you.

Baby, baby
te vas a repentir
de aver perdido
a alguien como yo!

Baby, baby
te vas a repentir
de aver perdido
a alguien como yo!

Baby te vas a repentir
de aver perdido alguien
a alguien como yo!

Ah ha!

(Amor, Amor)


Madly In Love

(Madly, madly, madly…)

Madly in love with you
I should carry on
Yeah, and move on
And forget about you
(Madly in love)

Madly in love with you
I should carry on
Yeah, and move on
And forget about you

Why don’t you tell me
How you feel towards me
If you don’t love me
Don’t play your games on me

Sick and tired of
All the lies about me
People saying things
They don’t even know me

And you believe ’em
But do not confront me
Say you are leavin’
Cuz you need to be free

Madly in love with you
I should carry on
Yeah, and move on
And forget about you
(Madly In Love)

Why don’t you tell me
How you feel towards me
If you don’t love me
Don’t play your games on me

If your new lover
Ain’t satisfactory
Go find another
Don’t come looking for me

See you played your games
It’s time to pay the fee
Not for my torn heart
For your frivolity

(Madly, madly, madly…)

Madly in love with you
Please open your eyes
And realize
How much I care for you

Madly in love with you
I should carry on
Yeah, and move on
And forget about you

Madly in love with you
I should carry on
Yeah, and move on
And forget about you

Madly in love with you
I should carry on
Yeah, and move on
And forget about you
(Madly in love)

Madly in love with you
[repeat til fade]


Kept Covert In Your Heart

Although meekness is my weakness,

someday my pride will soar.

And I will find the strength to speak with you in length

of our divorce and more.

These words ring true when far from you

and batten in my heart,

but their efficacy when ’round you escapes me

and this tears me apart.

It could be thee, though more so me,

who burdens on me woe.

This childish game we play ’tis cruel in every way…

I’m certain this you know.

Although cynical and quizzical

sly words are your fortress,

I hear in these a tone, a distant longing groan

for our lost devoutness.

I know that you will not state “True!”

This game you live to lark.

And I’ll remain as coy as the imprisoned boy

kept covert in your heart.

Although meekness is my weakness,

someday my pride will soar.

And I will find the strength to speak with you in length

of our divorce and more.


Thump, Thump, Thump

Thump, thump, thump.
What is this pounding inside my head,
Resonating a feeling of dread?
My heart has traveled through many pains,
But never quite has it felt this strain.

Thump, thump, thump.
Frantic fist rapping upon my door,
“Let me in and see you just once more.”
My mind travels from slumber to wake,
And panics when the pounding’s not fake.

Thump, thump, thump.
“I know you’re in there, just want to talk!”
If I let you in you’ll never stop.
You have traveled here with broken heart,
Hoping against hope for a new start.

Thump, thump, thump.
I know your pain, I’ve been there before.
That’s why I will not open the door.
My heart has traveled far to be free,
This selfish act you must forgive me.


Never Forever

Now I’m six months older,
six months bolder;
time has taught me to endure pain.

Now never forever
is my endeavor
to ever fall in love again.

Now never forever,
if I am clever,
shall I fall into love’s restrain.

Now I turn the pages
written by the sages
in hopes of finding relevancy.

Alike Quasimodo
fell for Esmeralda,
the refugee gypsy,

you know I fell for you
and that now I too
ask to be “of stone like thee”.

And like the poor monster
stitched up by Frankenstein
requests only a mate,

-I learn, like he, from books
of the wonderful things life holds
and man can swiftly take.-

So now I’ve like he,
(forced by society)
learned jealousy and hate.

The weight is off my shoulder,
my heat is colder…
at least numb I won’t feel the pain.

Now never forever
is my endeavor
to ever fall in love again.

Now never forever,
if I am clever,
shall I fall into love’s restrain.


Discarded

Discarded.

Unwanted.

No longer of use.

My heart’s been abused.

Now wrenching.

And bruising.

From your brutal words.

Has my heart misheard?

Agony.

Misery.

When the truth sinks in.

For my heart’s too thin.

Still beating.

And bleating.

There’s hope for me yet.

My heart won’t forget.

Discarded.

Unwanted.

Someday you will see.

All the heart in me.


My Final Words

With a last glance around the room
you held tight to the final box of personal belongings
and cleared your throat
to spill a series of nervous tinged questions,
“So this is it then?
Are we still going to be friends?
Will I see you again?”

My eyes grew small
as your words crept slowly through my mind
seeking a place of refuge,
a cross reference system,
a place of recognition.
Then they widened with shock
as those words burrowed themselves
into my brain like scabies.

“This is what you wanted.” I replied,
“You made your choice clear.
We weren’t friends before and we won’t be friends now.
And so not being friends,
I doubt that we will see each other again.”

I watched as you placed the box
into your car and drove away.
Refusing to cry over this treachery,
I fought back the tears and thought to myself,
How long have I known?
This break up really isn’t a surprise.
What’s different this time?
When did I fall out of love?

Unlike the movies,
does anyone really note the moment in time
when they fall in love,
let alone when they fall out of love?

I realized my final words
were not what I wanted them to be,
but that moment had already passed.
We can’t rewind and redo what is done or said
in the heat of the moment.
And no matter how much we plan ahead
the battle between the heart and the mind
to dominate the moment
is often lost on both sides.


Temporary Insanity

It had been three days of silence. Two nights of peace. A silence and peace that lull me, soothe me, calm my heart. Your absence is a gift unknowingly bestowed and I delight in the solace until tonight: upon your return you growl some selfish nonsense or other about nothing in particular. Your ire, your angst, your hate spew across the room and I can’t help but think myself the selfish one for not sharing with you this…peace.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I wonder…I must contest, I must confess: I love me more when you are gone.

And just before you crossed the threshold, at the very moment that I heard the insertion and turning of the key, a demon took hold of me: my love turns to hate. I know that you will kiss me hello. And I will dread the stench of cigarettes on your breath, your skin, your hair. You will fail to notice that I squirm under your hold as I try to avoid inhaling the very essence of you.

I feel as if cupid has played a sordid and twisted game with my heart; luring me in with false promises of a never-ending love. I fear the realization that his arrow was poisoned and non-retracting. And I want to run. I want to flee from your incessant mind numbing, heart freezing lack of consideration for me. I feel a need for liberation, emotional emancipation. But where can I go, where can I hide, when I know it all comes back to me?

I can blame myself to avoid hurting you, in fact I often do. I can drown myself in self-delusion, but we all know that silence only deafens the heart, as well as the senses. Still I know no better way to keep my poisonous tongue from lashing out at you, to keep from acting out in haste. I have been here before. I know what comes next, what follows the tears, what follows the rage, what follows the hate -her name is vengeance- I’d rather not play that victor-less game.

So now it is I who questions. I am the one that is uncertain. How can something so trivial as your mannerisms trigger an impulse of disgust? What was it about you that drew me in? Why can’t I see it anymore? Is it still there? Should I even bother to care?

I’ve built my life around you. No. I reconstructed every aspect of my life to fit perfectly with yours. I tore down the bridges that led away. I wanted nothing if it didn’t mean it would lead me back to you. I sacrificed my goals, my dreams all to be with you. I sacrificed my sanity; all for the sake of…what? Love?

It has been three months since I recognized this descent down the emotional spiral. I search within myself for an answer, but get no reply. I delve into the furthest corners of my mind, but find no solace. I dig into the deepest bowels of my primordial being, but end up empty handed.

Let the truth be known when I say that I honestly wanted it to work out. Wanted us to work out. I gave it all up for you. I gave up my everything to be here with you. I left my career, my home, my family, my friends, all the world I ever knew just to follow you. I told everyone, I even told myself that I was following my heart. I tried to stay positive about everything. The small town. The job hunting. Your family. Your friends. But no matter how much I lied to myself, the dark truth was slowly overshadowing the very dim light that still burned in my heart. After all we had been through, after all those trials and tribulations that were somehow survived, I still wanted to be with you.

Strange how our lives are, to a certain extent, governed by our hearts. The decisions we make are based on what our hearts tell us. But oh the loneliness; I felt so far away from home, so far away from my family and friends, I told myself that this was the way it was meant to be, the way it was written in the stars. This was my destiny. Our destiny.

I felt the need to have something unique and all my own. Something in this shitty town that I could claim as mine. Something that you hadn’t given me: My own circle of friends.

Up to this point I was an alien in your world. Your town. Your friends. Your family. Your memories. I was living in your life, or at least the edited version of your life that you found adequate enough to share with me. I felt like an extra in a movie with a silent walk-on part. For what could I say of substance that would not sound alien to their ears. I felt like an observer of my own life, on-loan. Somehow I made it through, for months, with my rehearsed smile. At your side with my practiced congeniality. But I realized that I was living a lie. We were living a lie. I had given it all up and for what?

Ten years of sexual identity, liberation and self acceptance stuffed right back into the closet. Am I to live the rest of my life denying who I am as a sexual being, so that others remain living in oblivious glee? We both know that I can not. I will not. For if I do, you will live the rest of your life with a criminally insane man. Or at the very least, I will learn to hate you. And in the end, I guess I did. I taught you how to cry, you taught me how to hate you.

My friends, I call them that for they truly became that, friends. They were my saving grace. In the solitude of my daily routine they became the laughter and love that I much needed and longed for. They willingly provided attention and companionship: something I was no longer getting from you. Perchance you sensed it, but by then it was too late. I had forged a bond with four great guys, who for their own reasons accepted me into their circle as one of their own. Unknowingly, they provided me with the inner strength necessary to let you go. Though you might think otherwise, it was not because of them that I decided to sever our relationship and later all communications. The ties that bound you and I were not as secure as we feigned. My friends were not to blame for our break-up. You did that all by yourself. In fact it was because of them that I was able to maintain my sanity. Without them, all my perspectives on love would have been annihilated. It is because of them, that any hope remains.

Love. It’s all around us. It’s unavoidable. It’s in the movies. It’s in the music. It’s in books. On television. It’s in our homes, in our own parents eyes. Oh happy bliss to all of those who never wake from this dream. But what of me? What comes next? How to start anew after almost five years of you? How can I throw it all away? you ask. How can I forsake the love we’ve built, the years we’ve invested in each other? How can I be so mean? So selfish, uncaring, and easily willing to just walk away? And therein lies the crux of it all – it is not easy. It never has been. It never will be. Today all I think about is my sanity.

“…So now what am I to do?
My soul’s missing you.
My mind is unstrung round thee.
My mind can take, I know,
But I fear the sanity of my lonely soul.
‘Cause it is wrong to endure so long;
My hope surpassed my shame,
surpassed my sanity.”